But what do you do if you're my friend Elliott who at the age of 19 was diagnosed with osteosarcoma? He had just finished his freshman year at MSU and had been trying to "tough it out" with this nagging pain in his right shoulder. Turned out that pain was a large tumor in his humerus. Surgery and chemo and radiation treatment ensued and things looked pretty good for a year or so and then some pain reminiscent of that shoulder pain returned, I think in his hip. Sure enough, relapse. And then the fight really began. With such a quick relapse, the cancer was clearly metastatic, and statistically speaking, he likely wasn't going to beat this. Well, except barring a miracle. And he began to pray for one. In fact, our whole church began to pray for a miracle. All his Spartan Christian Fellowship friends began praying for a miracle. His dear high school sweetheart, now fiancee, soon to be wife began praying for a miracle. And I think part of the answer to our prayer for a miracle for Elliott was that large measure of wisdom. Wisdom given to a young man who, as it turned out, had his days numbered to just 23 years, 53 days, and a hand-full of hours. Elliott finished his race just yesterday morning. I didn't know him very long, but I'd consider him a dear friend nonetheless and owe him a debt of gratitude for inspiring me through some dark days. Here's how I met him...
It was January 27, 2014. Louisa had arrested on the 24th and was on ECMO (life support), literally hanging by a thread. She was 6 days old and we were coming to grips with the idea that the Lord had perhaps numbered Louisa's days to just a few. It was an intense time. I've never been that emotionally depleted in my life. Carissa was pretty much wrung-out. There was about as much life in her as there was in Louisa. Here's the email I received that day:
"Nick and Carissa (and Louisa),
My name is Elliott Orr, and, while I don't believe we've met in person, I imagine we both know of each other through the prayer chain. Christina (my wife) and I are in Ann Arbor in the Cancer Center Monday through Friday as I have chemotherapy eight hours a day this week.
We have been following little Louisa's journey for the last week and are praying not just for progress but for complete healing! I don't know exactly what your schedules are, but we would love to come visit and formally meet you both if you're up to it and not overwhelmed by visitors already.
We are literally just sitting around all day, so whatever day/time works for you this week would be fine with us if you're interested. I don't generally get out of chemo until mid- to late-afternoon, so it would have to be around dinner.
Please let me know what works best for you guys (I know it's been an incredibly challenging week or so) and we hope to see you soon!
In Christ,
Elliott Orr"
Notice a couple remarkable things here in this short email:
1. "I imagine we both know each other through the prayer chain." Prayer chains are good things. Asking for prayer is a good idea. We are a body and though we might not have ever met each other, we are united. We can "know" each other through prayer. Elliott prayed. He prayed for himself and he prayed for others.
2. "I have chemotherapy 8 hours a day this week." I've never had chemotherapy myself, but I've seen a fair number of people endure it. The next time I'm struggling to look forward to my 8-hour work day, I'll remember that it is the Lord's grace that it isn't 8 hours of chemo.
3. "...we're praying not just for progress but for complete healing." This was a prayer Elliott was used to praying. More on this later, but I loved Elliott's unqualified courage to ask for big things -- miracles, complete healing. Soon I would learn what he meant by complete healing.
4. "We are literally just sitting around all day..." Just sitting around receiving chemo! Elliott showed me an amazing ability to state the facts about his illness and the realities of it in such a helpful way that didn't generate pity or awkward cliches from people who meant well but didn't know what to say or how to react to a guy with such a difficult diagnosis. Sometimes you just don't know what to say, or how to act around someone who's sick. But Elliott made you feel so comfortable around him. What a gift he gave people in that.
5. "In Christ." This man knew where he stood. He stood "In Christ". On Christ the solid rock I stand... If you knew Elliott, you knew he was in Christ. It seems he talked the most about Jesus Christ (well, and soccer, but definitely way more about Jesus!).
What 22 year-old guy sends this email? When I was 22 I think I was still afraid to look "adults" in the eye even though I was technically one of them by then. But, this was Elliott Orr! He was a celebrity at our church! I remember saying to Carissa, "They really get what we're going through, and maybe we can somehow be an encouragement to them too." So calzones from Pizza House were ordered and we met for one of the greatest meals in my life so far. It wasn't great ambiance -- we were at a table in the family waiting room for the ICU at Mott. It wasn't relaxed -- we knew a call could come at any minute that we needed to go back to Lou who was letting go. The calzones were a little cold by then. I remember the plasticwear we were using was unusually flexible and made eating those darn calzones quite a challenge. Really Lord? Elliott just finished 8 hours of chemo, our baby was considering dying and you saw fit to provide us with rubber plastic wear? I love the Lord's providence. It was great because it was the gospel, lived out in the life of a young man and his wife. It was the gospel that brought us life that night. It was the gospel according to Elliott Orr. Not a different gospel message, but the gospel message through the life of a dear saint.
So, there we were, strangers, but thanks to the bond of Christ and the bond of suffering, comrades with an instant connection. It was very different suffering, but we were suffering together. And an amazing discussion about the gospel and what it means to hope for something when it doesn't look all that hopeful ensued. I remember asking him, "So, Elliott, how do you keep praying and hoping for a miracle but at the same time being realistic and preparing for what doesn't look so good?" What he said was amazing. It was so wise. Simple in one sense, but wise. Keep in mind what you're about to read is from a 22 year-old. Here's what Elliott wrote in his blog about our dinner. This was his answer to my question:
"1. Not Boasting about TomorrowThis is so difficult to do in reality, but it is a comfort to know that we are and will be cared for by Our Lord who knows all things. James 4:13-17 is and has been a great reminder of this truth. James writes that "[we] do not know what tomorrow will bring . . . [because we] are a mist that appears for a little time. Instead [we] ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.'" By tacking on "if the Lord wills" to all of our prayers and pleads, we acknowledge that, not only are we not in control, but we are looked after by a loving God. We should enjoy each day while also recognizing the power of the eternal truths and promises beyond today. Neither Christina and I nor Nick and Carissa know what lies ahead in this world, but we do know what and who lies ahead in the one to come.
2. Do Not WorryThis is perhaps even more difficult to do than the first, but Matthew 6:26-34 reminds us that God will provide for us and he always does what is best for His people. In fact, a quote by Tim Keller sums this up quite well: If we knew what God knows, we would ask exactly for what he gives. What a promise! Again, it's difficult to not worry about my health or the health of Louisa, a helpless one-week-old. However, trusting that we will be taken care of by a God who knows that future must be something that we grasp on to.
3. Complete Healing Is a Promise (Ultimately)We discussed that, when we ask for complete healing, we are actually guaranteed to get it; however, it may just not be as soon as we want it. Ultimately, as a Christian, the only better thing than living here on Earth is dying here with the promise that we will inherit the kingdom of God. As we all prayed for Baby Louisa, we realized the sobering but comforting fact that Louisa would be completely healed soon. Either the surgeries are completely successful and she is allowed to go home and live a quasi-normal life, or the surgeries are unsuccessful and The Great Physician performs a complete body makeover like nothing of this world. This applies to me as well. With every prayer for my complete healing, I add on "if the Lord wills" and recall that I will be complete healed; it's just a matter of time. In fact, every one who receives Christ will.
These were the three main points that we addressed last night, and we continue to keep them fresh on our minds. A mindset of hope and a knowledge of Christ is the only way to live in this contempt-filled, ever-sickening world of sin. I hope that you are encouraged in whatever struggle you are facing right now, and I also ask that you pray for the following people who have been on my prayer list if you would."
As you can see, there really isn't much more I need to say. His words were and are an amazing encouragement to us. We finished our dinner with prayer. He prayed for healing for Louisa. I prayed that the Lord would heal him of his cancer. We both said, "but not our will, yours be done". The next day, Louisa beat ECMO and her little heart started beating again on its own. She eventually fought off the sedation, got her chest closed, tackled the vent, transferred up to the floor, started to eat and we took her home. She went back into the hospital for 7 more weeks starting Easter weekend of 2014 and Elliott and Christina kept coming to visit our little fighter. They came often during Elliott's treatments in Ann Arbor. We started calling them Louisa's Uncle Elliott and Aunt Christina. And she got through those 7 weeks. Elliott helped give us courage to keep fighting.
And Elliott kept fighting too -- all the way to experimental treatments at the NIH. He fought through tremendous pain caused by those tumors. Carissa and I made a trip out to Elliott and Christina's house in early January. Elliott was enjoying some reprieve from the tumor that had recently ravaged his jaw and the effect of the radiation to shrink it. He was just talking about his plan to use every day to be a blessing to people. He was hoping to continue doing some writing and to keep encouraging the folks at his church. He was still praying for healing and looking forward to that promised complete healing.
I was hoping for that other kind of miracle for Elliott, but the Lord saw fit to fulfill his promise by bringing Elliott into His presence for eternal rest yesterday. Please pray for Christina. She was a helpmate to Elliott of a caliber few wives will ever attain. She too suffered well, but now faces a new providence so rare for a 23 year-old. Pray also for Elliott's family, who lost a precious son and a beloved brother.
I didn't know Elliott all that well in reality. We weren't old buddies. There are so many people more qualified than me to speak of his Christ-like character. I hope many will talk about his life and their relationship with their friend, because if they are talking about Elliott, they can't help but start talking about Elliott's Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. And talking about Jesus is the best, most wise, most helpful, most healing thing any of us can talk about.
With Elliott's passing, I can't help but wonder about the future for my little Louisa. At least at this point, it looks like she will have a life marked with suffering, a little like Elliott's. It's inevitable that we'll know more sorrow as we journey on with our little half-a-heart. But, we're equipped for the journey, with tools from saints like Elliott Orr to face the darkness. Thanks Elliott for your gospel encouragement that will last a lifetime. You were a Spirit-filled, wise man. Enjoy the brightness of your new dawn, the face of your beloved savior Jesus Christ, your strong right arm, strength again in those legs, and the green pitch of those heavenly soccer fields! And if my Louisa happens to get there before I do, make sure her Uncle Elliott shows her some moves!
People say with albeit good intentions
That if God heals me then His glory will be shown,
But people often hesitate to mention
The other side of His omniscient throne.
For God to show His power through healing
Would be glorious if it were His will,
But it would also be maybe too appealing
For perhaps my faith would stand too still.
For in truth I want all to realize in whole
That I care not what this ailment does
Because I truly believe in full
That God knew it all before it was.
And in trusting Him I would gladly endure- Elliott Orr
One thousand years of agony and strife
In order to witness the most glorious cure
Of Christ coming into just one more person’s life.
You can read more of what Elliott wrote about his journey here.
It is a comfort knowing he is with his Lord now and not suffering.
ReplyDeleteWhat an amazing young man! May God hold Elliot in His loving arms.
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