In and Out of the Woods: Louisa and her mysterious maker

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Louisa and her mysterious maker

Here are the the words of an amazing hymn for any of us who suffer. And if you know sin, then you know suffering. I realize that suffering is relative. Some of you have experience intense suffering, or long-term suffering. Some of you suffer permanently over irrevocable losses or experiences that can't be erased. I'll admit, I feel a sense of guilt over the graces, over the miracle we received this week. Some of you have prayed for miracles for years, for decades perhaps, and nothing yet. And actually, the monitor sitting right above my head as I type this might start screaming at any instant as those currently beautiful green, red, white and blue lines that say all is well might report that the end is here for our darling Louisa. That happened last Friday and they still don't know why. It happened quickly and with no warning. So, how can we all go on to live with this reality that intense pain and suffering might be right around the corner? Here's the hymn, by William Cowper:

God moves in a mysterious way
His wonders to perform;
He plants His footsteps in the sea
And rides upon the storm.

Deep in unfathomable mines
Of never failing skill
He treasures up His bright designs
And works His sov’reign will.

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take;
The clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy and shall break
In blessings on your head.

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flow’r.

Blind unbelief is sure to err
And scan His work in vain;
God is His own interpreter,
And He will make it plain.

This week, I felt the storm. I felt the raging sea. The clouds were heavy. The bud was bitter. My senses were feeble. What to do? I must preach to myself daily that He plants his footsteps in the sea. He rides the storm. The clouds will break with mercy on my head. The flower is sweet. I cannot judge Him. His plans were made in unfathomable mines.

Are you scanning his work in vain? Is it not making sense? Are you asking why? Perhaps you are using blind unbelief. It is sure to err. Believe. Believe in what? Believe that God is His own interpreter and he will make it plain. It makes perfect sense. It has full meaning. It is glorious in His eyes. We can be sure it is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory that is totally worth it all. Would you seriously give up an ETERNAL weight of GLORY for relief of momentary suffering? I'm tempted to say yes, if it would mean not dealing with last Friday again, but that was last Friday. Would I understand the smiling face, the mercy breaking on my head, the sweetness of the flower that I have today if I had not experienced last Friday? No, I wouldn't. Last Friday was the worst day of my life. But I wouldn't trade it for the sweetness of today's flower. And to think we will know this sweetness expansively and explosively for an eternity! I'd have it no other way. Praise God for the dark Fridays and for the sunrise that caused my baby girl to squint her little eyes this morning while she looked into mine. Soon, an eternal sunrise. Louisa, there will be no squinting required.

*****

Some of you are saying, "yeah, yeah, yeah. Blah, blah, blah. How is Louisa doing?!" She's doing well. She is a beauty. I've grown to love her cyanosis. It's endearing. Her little eyes open and then roll back in their ativan-induced stupor. But she's in there. She's getting her very first meal as we speak! Her mommy is for the first time part of the life support -- all that pumped milk that we imagined getting tossed into a hospital dumpster is right now being pumped into her little tummy. She's got 14 pumps going right now and one of them is Mom's specially formulated medicine. Finally, something natural. Granted, it's being pumped into her at 3 mL/hour through a tube running down her nose into her tummy, but who cares! Compared to the last few days, this is like a home birth with a mid-wife!

Mommy feeds Louisa. There's lots of pumps involved this time...

We are hoping to pull off even more fluid today and get her chest wound closed tomorrow. They are weaning blood pressure support and sedation and the next big deal will be getting her off the ventilator. And a closed chest and off the ventilator will mean we can hold her! Can't wait. Lord, may we see the day and see it soon.

3 comments:

Karen HossinkJanuary 30, 2014 at 1:41 PM
So glad to hear how Louisa is doing. Thank You, JESUS, for this progress!
But I was NOT in the yeah, yeah, yeah, blah, blah, blah group. What wonderful insight you shared from your heart and experience. Thank you for a good word!
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UnknownJanuary 30, 2014 at 7:18 PM
Thank you for your thoughtful word, Nick. God is good....in all things. In the "graces" you are experiencing now and also in the events of last Friday. I love the line "God is his own interpreter." We so often try to "interpret" God's work in our lives and so quickly negatively "judge" things that happen when we haven't allowed God to perform his wonders. I am learning that God most often does his best wonders through difficult and often painful situations.
Again, I so appreciate how you have opened your lives to allow us (so many of us) to journey with you and your family through the wonders God is performing in your lives through Louisa. Your posts have been a platform for God's wonders.

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UnknownJanuary 30, 2014 at 8:43 PM
Do not give up hope. She will beat all the odds and come home to you faster then anyone can imagine. They told us ours wouldn't make it through the night. Then she did. They said she would NOT be home for 6 months and she was home in 3 1/2 weeks. She was supposed to have suffered major brain and physical illness and she is perfect. Everything is in Gods way and Gods time. I know now today that she was a maricale for all those who came and come into our lives. Thankyou for this blog - it the testimony of Our Lords love and presence that we all need today. We are praying and will continue to do so. :)
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Encouragement from the Psalms

Ps. 65:4,5 - "Blessed is the one you choose and bring near; to dwell in your courts! We shall be satisfied with the goodness of your house, the holiness of your temple! By awesome deeds you answer us with righteousness, O God of our salvation, the hope of all the ends of the earth and of the farthest seas;"
Ps. 63:3,4 - "Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands."
Ps. 62:1,2 - "For God alone my soul waits in silence; from him comes my salvation. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken."
Ps. 61:1-3 - "Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer; from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy."
Ps. 59:16,17 - "But I will sing of your strength; I will sing aloud of your steadfast love in the morning. For you have been to me a fortress and a refuge in the day of my distress. O my Strength, I will sing praises to you, for you, O God, are my fortress, the God who shows me steadfast love."
Ps. 57:1-3 - "Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me, for in you my soul takes refuge; in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge, until the storms of destruction pass by. I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me. He will send from heaven and save me; he will put to shame him who tramples on me. God will send his steadfast love and his faithfulness!"
Ps. 56:8,9 - "You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book? Then my enemies will turn back in the day when I call. This I know, that God is for me."
Ps. 56:3,4 - "When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?"
Ps. 55:22 - "Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved."
Ps. 52:8,9 - "But I am like a green olive tree in the house of God. I trust in the steadfast love of God forever and ever. I will thank you forever, because you have done it. I will wait for your name, for it is good, in the presence of the godly.
Ps. 51:8-10 - "Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice. Hide your face from my sins, and blot our all my iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renrew a right spirit within me."
Ps. 50:10,11 - "For every beast of the forest is mine, the cattle on a thousand hills. I know all the birds of the hills, and all that moves in the field is mine."
Ps. 46:10,11 - "Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth! The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress."
Ps. 46:1,2 - "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea."
Ps. 43:3 - "Send out your light and your truth; let them lead me; let them bring me to your holy hill and to your dwelling!"
Ps. 42:11 - "Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God."
Ps. 40:11 - "As for you, O LORD, you will not restrain your mercy from me; your steadfast love and your faithfulness will ever preserve me!"
Ps. 37:39 - "The salvation of the righteous is from the LORD; he is their stronghold in the time of trouble."
Ps. 37:3,4 - "Trust in the LORD, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart."
Ps. 36:7 - "How precious is your steadfast love, O God! The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings."
Ps. 34:8-10 - "Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! Oh, fear the LORD, you his saints, for those who fear him have no lack! The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing."
Ps. 33:20-22 - "Our soul waits for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in him, because we trust in his holy name. Let your steadfast love, O LORD, be upon us, even as we hope in you."
Ps. 33: 18,19 - "Behold, the eye of the LORD is on those who fear him, on those who hope in his steadfast love, that he may deliver their soul from death and keep them alive in famine."
Ps. 32:6,7 - "Therefore let everyone who is godly offer prayer to you at a time when you may be found; surely in the rush of great waters, they shall not reach him. You are a hiding place for me; you preserve me from trouble; you surround me with shouts of deliverance."
Ps. 31:3,5 - "For you are my rock and my fortress; and for your name's sake you lead me and guide me; Into your hand I commit my spirit; you have redeemed me, O LORD, faithful God."
Ps. 30:5 - "For his anger is but for a moment, and his favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning."
Ps. 28:6,7 - "Blessed be the LORD! for he has heard the voice of my pleas for mercy. The LORD is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exalts, and with my song I give thanks to him."
Ps. 27:13,14 - "I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living! Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!"
Ps. 20:7,8 - "Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God. They collapse and fall, but we rise and stand upright."
Ps. 18:35,36 - "You have given me the shield of your salvation, and your right hand supported me, and your gentleness made me great. You gave a wide place for my steps under me, and my feet did not slip."
Ps. 18:30 - "This God -- his way is perfect, the word of the LORD proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him."
Ps. 16:11 - "You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."
Ps. 16:5,6 - "The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance."
Ps. 4:8 - "In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety."
Ps. 3:3-5 - "But you, O LORD, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head. I cried aloud to the LORD, and he answered me from his holy hill. I lay down and slept; I woke again, for the LORD sustained me."
Ps. 1:1,2 - "Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is on the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night."